It's dangerous out there

School started last week, so I'm back to getting up early and having something to do.  It's not so bad.  After I lost my job, things got pretty boring at home.  I'm back with some friends everyday, and that's good. Or it was. Now I'm worried.

Last night a bunch of us got some beer and headed out to the lake.  It's still light until eight o'clock at least, and we stayed on until about eleven. Everything went okay until about nine-thirty when these guys in a boat came up to us asking all the girls to get on the boat.  My friend Kristie is a little man-crazy, so she went with them, even though everybody knows it's dumb to go off with strangers.  We told her not to, but she got pretty mad at us and went anyway and told us to go on home.  The guys - I guess they were college boys - said they'd get her home.  We waited anyway for an hour and a half, then went home. 

Kristie wasn't in homeroom this morning, so I called her cell.  Her mother answered it and said Kristie was sick.  She told me not to call again, like it was my fault or something.  Not good.  You gotta be careful out there.

My Best Memory

I was thinking today about how much I'd like to get out of town and go ona vacation.  Most of my friends have done something this summer, but not me.

I know it's not going to happen, but all my wishing for a trip made me remember about the one time I did go on vacation.  My aunt and uncle took me with their family to the beach.  Even though I spent a lot of time on my own, it was a special time.  I did a lot of thinking while I stared at the ocean and watched for dolphins.  I was 13 years old, and it seems like I knew a lot more about what I wanted back then.  Was it the vacation away from home?  Maybe it was because  I was away from the trouble in my house and wasn't upset while I was there.

 

I felt strong and happy, but now that face makes me sad.  The best time I remember in my life didn't take place when I was with my folks, but when I got away from them.

Messed up summer

It's been a while since I wrote in here last.  That's because things have been so crazy.  First, I lost my job.  I couldn't get there every day like I was supposed to.  My mom didn't get home to take me every time.

I guess I was pretty mad about the job and did some stuff I shouldn't have.  Me and some friends of mine went out to some boat docks and found the boat that belonged to my old boss.  We did some damage.  Not that bad, really, but enough.  So, the police came and I admitted it.  I told them it was just me, so I was the only one in trouble.  The cops took me to the jail, and I was there all day until my mother got me out.  Then, I had to go into court, but the judge was okay about it.  He gave me some community service, so I was right back to work, this time doing some babysitting in a First Steps school.  That was okay, except my mom forgot to come right home after work yesterday, so I'm in trouble again for now showing up. 

Now, summer is nearly over and I have to start back to school soon.  I guess I'll go back.  What else is there to do when you don't have a car and can't drive or anything?  School is way better than sitting at home, especially in my neighborhood.

No Father's Day for Us

Sunday I was walking to work and stopped a dadt the drugstore for a minute just to cool off.  It's only about 95 degrees every day.  When I went in a friend of mine was standing in front of the cards, and I stopped to talk to her.  She was getting a last-minute Father's Day card for her dad.

I had forgotten it was Father's Day.  I think I ignored it on purpose, because I haven't seen my dad in about a year and a half.  No calls, no cards - Nothing.  We don't know where he went or anything.  My sister says he left because he was going to be arrested, but I don't know.

Well, at least I didn't have to spend money on a card.

Nobody Gets It

For the second time in a week, my mother didn't come home to take me to work.  I called a friend who came to my rescue, but it didn't get me completely out of the dog house.  I was late getting there, and my boss told me he would fire me if I was out again without any notice.  You'd think he'd be happy I got a ride and all.

It seems to me like nobody ever tries to see my side of things.  I just want to tell my mother how mean she can be.  She knows I want to make some money so I can buy some new clothes for school.  It gets old wearing my sister's old stuff, and I think I'm already taller than she is.  Maybe I can even make enough to get a cell phone. I'd have to keep working to pay the bill, but that's okay. 

My boss doesn't know a lot about me, but I did tell him I was counting on my mom to bring me to work.  He could give me a break if he wanted to.  He made a pass at me the other day.  Maybe he didn't like the way I said I wasn't interested. 

I had to walk home when I got off.  My mom still isn't here.  I don't know where she is tonight, but I know where her Jack Daniels is.  Tonight I'll let Jack keep me company.  I'll forget about my mother after I have a couple of drinks, and the bonus is my mother will be majorly pissed off when she finds the bottle empty.

Dropping Out

I got a job last week and started working a couple of days ago.  I'm scooping ice cream and, so far, it's okay.  I started thinking about the money I'll be getting at the end of next week.  I can get some new clothes, which is good because my shoes are about to come apart and my jeans are too short.  My mother wants me to help out with groceries and stuff like that. We never have enough to pay all the bills, and I don't want to have to move again.

It seems to me like there's not much reason for me to go back to school in the fall.  Even though I'm only getting a little more than minimum wage, the owner says if I stay with it, I'll get a raise in six months.  If I can keep that up, I'll make as much as my mother in a couple of years.  My mom never gets much chance for a raise, because she keeps getting laid off from jobs, but still she has a high school diploma.

The main reason to finish high school is so you can go on to college, right?  As I've been told many times, my mother won't have the money to help me with that, so I think it's a lost cause for me.  My aunt keeps telling me I can get the scholarship money, but I'd have to keep living at home and I just don't want to.  I don't think I'd be good at college anyway - it's just more years in a classroom listening to a lot of junk nobody cares about.  I'd rather be earning some money so I can get a car.

Anyway, I don't think my mother cares if I finish.  Probably nobody will even notice if I quit, but I'm going to wait to see how the job thing works out. There's still a couple of months to decide.

A not-so-great summer

Yesterday my mom left me a note to say she would be home very late.  That evening I was sitting at home on the porch trying to stay cool since the a/c  is broken.  I hear this party going on down the block with a lot of whooping and yelling. You know, a real drunken kind of bash.  I thought I'd just go over there and crash, but I was about to step into the yard where a lot of people were dancing when I heard my mom's voice.  She was one of them - the drunks, that is.

I backed out of there and went home, but I started worrying, you know?  I couldn't sleep because she was over there drinking and sometimes she gets herself into trouble.  I think it was about 3 in the morning when she came in, but what a mess she was.  She'd already gotten sick at least once, I knew by the smell when she grabbed me around the neck and asked me to get her to bed.  It took quite a while to get her cleaned up - twice of course, because she puked again 10 minutes after she got in.  I guess I'm just glad she came home this time.

My summer isn't working out so well.

School's Out for Summer

Yes! It's almost summer, and I am sooo ready. I just wish I was going somewhere on a vacation like everyone else.  My family has never gone away on a trip as far as I remember.  Once I went with my aunt's family to Edisto Beach.  Now, though, it's only my mother and me anyway.
 
I really want to get out of here this summer. I tried to get a job so I could make some spending money, but my mom didn't get home to take me to the interview I had set up, so I don't know. I'll have to try again. If I don't have a job to go to, I'll just be stuck here at home alone all day.  Watching television all day is really boring. It wasn't so bad when my sister was here, but she's been gone for more than a year. She couldn't wait to leave. I don't know if it really matters.

A couple of my girlfriends promised to pick me up sometimes.  A couple of them have cars.  They say we can all go to the lake and score some beer.  Maddie promised to teach me to drive, but she said that before and she was a little tipsy at the time.

Still, at least I don't have to go to classes and listen to teachers for a while.

Not So Special K-2

Have you heard about the new fake marijuana?   It's called K2 in case you haven't.  Some professor says he was doing research and invented it.  Now, he says it's dangerous and all that.  I wonder what he thought would happen when the formula was made available?

So a friend of mine bought some and brought it to a little party we had the other night.  Personally, I don't do drugs.  Well, somebody told me alcohol is a drug, and I can't deny I do like my vodka, but not grass or coke or anything.  This guy, who I won't name, started smoking the new K2 and saying it was "really radical" or something like that.  After an hour, everybody else was smoking and snorting and raving about it, but I didn't buy it.  It just seemed way to fast for all of them to be that high. So, I tried it. I got nothing from it.  I wasn't buzzed or anything.

I know drugs can be for real.  I think it's stupid to mess with them most of the time, but sometimes I just believe people want to play at it.  Some of them, at least, just wanted to be high.  I don't know what that means, but sometimes people are weird.  Or maybe it was just potpourri.

Bullies

The news and the internet seem to full lately of this cyberbullying thing. I guess the fact that I don't have a computer at home isn't such a bad thing. I don't have a MyFace or SpaceBook page. Don't write me an ugly comment. I know their names, I just don't care. I don't write e-mails. I wouldn't be blogging if my English teacher wasn't forcing me. I just want to pass the course. See, now that I cae about, because I don't want to scrub toilets for a living. There are lots of things I'd like to have, but Friendster comes low on my list. I get jealous once in a while of the kids who have all the gadgets, the nice clothes, a car, all that, but it could be I'd only be in trouble more often if I had all that stuff. Do you think that's my mother's way of looking after me? Nah, even I can't buy that.

Maybe it's because I have other things to worry about, but I just don't see why you'd let someone writing something about you become such a big deal. Okay, words can hurt, but you have to wash your hands of those people who only want to take shots at you. I know every kid doesn't think like me. I know some of them are really wimpy. If you got a wimpy kid, don't you look out for him? Or if your friend or cousin is all sensitive, don't you keep an eye on him? I could be all wrong. I can't say anybody watches out real well for me. Then again, I can take care of myself. I do take care of myself, so my opinion is the only one that matters.

A Lucky Girl

My mother went to a pary last night, so I went out with some friends too.  We just rode over to this fancy subdivision on the lake and went down to their docks.  No big deal, we just sat on somebody's pontoon and turned on the radio.  It was really nice and warm this time of year.  A couple of the kids were making out, but most of us were just chilling. I guess we played the music too loud though. This old guy came down there yelling at us to get off their property.  I don't know why people have to be so selfish about there stuff. We weren't hurting anything, and it isn't like any of us have a place to go to like that.  None of us get to go out on the lake or anything. Nobody has a boat.  I think the rich people should remember that and be a little bit more generous.  It would be smarter to just be nice and ask us to leave, because a couple of the guys are planning to go back. I don't think the boats will be so nice after that.

Anyway, they ran us off, and who cares anyway?  But then this guy's car had a flat on the way home and he didn't have a spare.  My mom wasn't home and neither were a couple of other people's parents.  One guy said his dad wasn't coming out in the middle of the night to get us and we should all just walk home.  So we did.  I got home after my mother, but she never even knew the difference. I'm pretty lucky, don't you think?

Does it ever surprise you how naive some kids are? I know that I'm out on the streets kickin' it more than most, but still it seems like some people just don't get it. It's pretty tough out there, and you have to pay attention.

Here's what I saw happen. Yesterday I was hanging out with some other kids after school and we watched this carload of girls pull up next to another girl. I don't want to use names here because I don't want anybody to be in trouble, especially me. Anyway, the girl they approach - I'll call her Elle, because she was clueless - she's always getting teased and bullied. She seems okay to me, but she just wants to be popular so badly that she hangs around on the fringes begging for attention. I feel sorry for her. So when this bunch she wants to be with stop and ask her to go for a ride with them, she gets in. Did she never even suspect why, suddenly, they wanted her with them? I even yelled out her name and waved at her to come over and join us, but she just ignored it.


We were still there maybe twenty minutes later, just about to head home, when the same car pulls back in and they shove out onto the sidewalk. She goes down on one knee and it's easy to see her face it all red, so I figured she was crying. And I knew what was coming, so I started walking fast and was almost there when two of them jumped out and were just about to "curb" this kid. You know, right? They slam the head, face-first onto the curb. It really is nasty. Once I saw this boy about fourteen and when he got up after that, he was missing one tooth and another was broken, and his mouth was all bloody. I don't think he ever came back to school afer that. Anyway, one girl came around behind Elle and was about to push her, when the other one saw me coming and grabbed her buddy. They were gone in about three seconds.

Now, I haven't ever hit anybody, but they know I'm not going to lay down either. I let Elle get up, and then I told her what they were about to do. She was crying, of course, like that helps, and then just walked off. Honestly, I hope she doesn't come back to school either. Those other kids will never leave her alone. Maybe I'm the one who doesn't get it, but I can't see why it's fun to mess somebody up. And hey, I'm no angel.

 

Arrested for no reason

I got arrested last night. Well, not arrested, really, just grabbed up with a bunch of others until my mother came to get me. I was just trying to help somebody, but the cops didn't care, they just shoved me in the back of a car and hauled me away.

Here's what happened. I snuck out of the house after my mother went to bed. She came in about eight and went right to her room. She was snoring by eight-thirty, which was optimal for me as my buds picked me up at nine. We went to this cool flash-mob everybody's cells buzzed about all day at school. At least four or five people had their phones confiscated by a teacher.

So we got to Greenville and it was waycool for a couple of hours. Thousands of kids just having a good time running around, meeting new people, dancing. There were people playing music every few feet - a little pot. For a couple of ours it reminded me of those old hippie love-in's your grandma talks about. The cops were a little pissy, but hey, what could they do? We weren't bothering anyone. By around eleven, though, I guess some guys had too much to drink or smoke or something, and they started a fight. Pretty soon a lot of guys were brawling. Most of us just watched, but when this cop elbowed a kid who was just trying to geta way from some neanderthal, I got between the kid and the cop. Suddenly, I was being dragged off and taken to jail.

I was lucky, though, because they didn't keep us long. I think it was too much hassle for them to mess with kids from another town. My mom didn't speak to me all the way home, but I can't blame her too much. It was three in the morning when we got back. I didn't sleep, but I'm still jazzed about the whole thing, so I came to school anyway.

Getting arrested wasn't so bad. It was better than sitting at home by myself and listening to my mom snore and the neighbors fight. If I had a cell, I think I'd start the flash and see if I could get another mob set up!

A blog by any other name...or something like that

My name is Carly Blackstone, and this is just lame. I'm writing this "blog" because my teacher told me he'd give me some credit in my English class. I've cut a few times lately and I guess this is my punishment. I mean, a blog is just a diary, right? A journal? But I have to write on a computer, and I don't have one at home, so I'm in study hall - against my will - using theirs. I probably wouldn't even do it, but the stupid school blocks all the good sites and playing video games is for the geeks.

I don't know why you'd want to know about my screwed-up life. I live with my crazy mother - my whole family's the pits. I can tell you this because none of them can afford a computer, so they won't be reading it. So, if you're dumb enough to read what I got to say, I'll be putting something in here at least once a week.